I have a problem. Really, I do. I have a problem with our nation, and particularly our great state of Texas, and their attitude towards sexuality. People are still fighting for reproductive coverage, others are fighting for the right to teach comprehensive sex education and I'm living in a country where there are women (and men!) claiming that their children are products of a virgin birth. We treat sex like a taboo topic, and as a result people are left fucking ignorant, and under prepared.
Furthermore, sexuality, this taboo topic, is simultaneously held as one of our most important characteristics. People are defined by their sexual activity. As a culture, we evaluate people based on the amount of sex they're having, who they're having it, and what gets them off. People are shamed for being kinky, having 'too much' sex or for liking the same sex. It's the stupidest shit, really. Think about it, exactly why does it matter? If Alex likes Andy, and Andy likes whips and chains, who gives a fuck? How does it affect me? If Susie likes to bring a new girl or guy home every Friday, or four days a week, do I even need to give a shit? Yet, thousands of people seem to think that it does, that it's their business even when it's not.
It's funny though, the one time I think someone's sex life is my business, most of those same people start to talk about minding their own business. If Susie fucks that guy willingly, she's a slut, but if she was assaulted, well that's just not polite conversation. No one wants to talk about rape, it's too serious, it's too personal. We don't 'know' what happened, it was a 'misunderstanding'. There's always an excuse or justification; he didn't 'mean to' or she 'drank too much'. Tell me why when someone engages in safe, sane and consensual sexual behaviour, that deviates from the norm, the world has so much to say, if they won't address violent or dangerous sexual behaviour?
I had an 18 year old woman in my living room last night, crying. She told me about a recent experience she had, when she had blacked out and woken up with someone attempting to have sex with her. She described the shame, and fear, and I was right back there. Afraid to tell anyone because it must have been my fault, and because I would have be called a slut and cocktease, and already was regardless of my lack of sex life. I was afraid to be told I deserved it, and so was she. She sat there, talking it out, looking for a way to make it not his fault, because she works with him, because they have the same friends, because what if no one believes her. She didn't want to be an asshole, she didn't want to ruin his life. This story is repeated all the time, the people and details change, but the fact remains, that men and women across this country are suffering in silence, thanks to the toxic way in which victims/survivors of sexual assault, abuse and harassment are treated.
What the fuck are we doing as a nation when the victims and survivors of sexual assault live in fear of ruining their aggressor's life, because they know it won't be worth it?
